


Love Distance

by Hongjoongiebabie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Complicated Relationships, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Unhealthy Relationships, lots of them - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:54:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26439058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hongjoongiebabie/pseuds/Hongjoongiebabie
Summary: Felix likes Changbin, but it's a little more complicated than that because the other is dating-not dating Seungmin. Jisung is a bad friend and a bad boyfriend, Chan is their wise man, and no one has really bothered to ask Changbin how he feels. (The first chapter is nothing like the rest of it, it gets deep and sad.)
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 25
Kudos: 33





	1. A Paloma

**Author's Note:**

> HI! I once wrote a ff named "Don't Cry Over Spilled Ice Cream," but have recently deleted it. I had no plan for it, it was very impulsive. But once finding out all the Woojin accusations I decided to change my username and delete the story I had involving him as a character. I hope this can be a new start and that it is enjoyable.

“Hey, Felix!” Said boy turned his head to see his newfound friend, Hyunjin, catching up to him and making him smile. “Hey,” having caught up, “Ah! I’m so happy I caught you. Ji and a couple of our friends are going dancing later today and I want you to come.” Felix had one more class- his chemistry seminar in twenty minutes- but remembered Hyunjin was done for the day. Thought of his nonexistent plans and agreed to go partying with Hyunjin as they quickly approached the science building separating with a promise of the other sending further details. That night did not go how he expected at all.

He got ready by styling his silver hair back and wearing the leather jacket he bought when he was third wheeling Jisung and Hyunjin. Wore his favorite dangling earring and put on a couple thick rings to meet Jisung and Hyunjin outside club Stay. “Felix!” they shouted to get his attention and he joined. 

Walking inside had Jisung talking loudly over the music, hand on Hyunjin’s lower back, as they made their way to the otherside of the dancefloor. That’s when Felix spotted someone that left him breathless. Sitting on a leather seat in a booth, drink in hand, fluffy bangs stopping right above his eyes, another’s arm thrown over their shoulders. Smiling up at him? “You made it!” Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Jisung answered, “Yeah, haha. Ah! Anyway this is the friend we were talking about, Felix.” Hyunjin seemed to be finding a seat next to the guy who had an arm around the smiling boy. The guy looked obviously disinterested with his head tilted back, purple hair slicked back with a thick black headband, looking down at Felix with half lidded eyes. 

Jisung signalled to Felix, “This is Felix. And Felix this is,” pointing at the cute boy dressed all in black, “Changbin” and then to the purpled haired guy, “and Seungmin.” Seungmin nodded in acknowledgment so Felix did the same and since Changbin smiled in greeting he reciprocated the action. Then feeling a jab at his stomach he looked over at the devilish smirk on Jisung’s face who then loudly and quite sarcastically said, “They’re _just_ _friends-_ if you’re interested. “Jisung!” Changbin scolded, but Seungmin rolled his eyes causing him to pull his arm away from the other’s shoulder. “Seungmin, he didn’t-” “It’s whatever. I wanted to get another drink anyway,” he said as he lightly shoved Hyunjin so he could get up. Changbin tried to speak up one last time, “Can you-” but Seungmin had already walked out of hearing range. 

The air was momentarily awkward as they just stared at Seungmin’s retreating figure; they all snapped out of it the second Changbin changed his focus to Jisung. “Stop provoking him! He didn’t even wanna come,” he glared. Jisung then motioned for Hyunjin to sit again and followed suit. Hyunjin chastised his boyfriend too as they adjusted, “Yeah, Sungie. I think Seungmin’s in a bad mood. He said he had that argument with his dad, ‘member?” Frustratingly ruffling his own hair, Jisung groaned, “Fine, fine. I was just kidding anyway,” and looked elsewhere noticing Felix shifting from foot to foot at the interaction. “Felix why don’t you sit next to Changbinnie,” so Felix looked at Changbin for confirmation and got a quick nod. 

They shared small talk between the four hoping to get Changbin to accept Felix into the friend group- which seemed to be going amazing. They later split into their own separate conversations with Changbin excitedly telling Felix a story of a professor they shared and how he was always extremely passive aggressive seeing Changbin, constantly late and absent, still acing the class. Felix couldn’t stop laughing with his body entirely facing the other, immersed in the conversation. Telling the other of a different professor who seems to hate him after he accidentally fell asleep for a total of five minutes during a guest speaker’s appearance. 

Felix couldn’t keep his eyes off of the other. With his sparkling gaze, his pouty pink lips, the way he kept swirling the glass in his left hand that was just melted ice. “Oh god! I can’t seem to stop talking, haha. You must be bored.” Felix felt entirely in a trance, like if Changbin’s voice was a siren’s song and he was enchanted, “No… I’m- I really like hearing you talk.” Changbin’s face flushed as he looked away and Felix almost felt embarrassed at his own boldness if he wasn’t so endeared. His smile disappeared as Changbin caught sight of someone in the distance; his face lit up and he straightened out his clothes, fixing his hair away from his eyes.

Felix looked to see Seungmin heading towards them with two drinks in hand. So before he reached their table he turned to Changbin again, “Wait, so are you guys dating?” The sad look that overtook Changbin’s face left him feeling guilty, “Well, no. Not technically, but I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” “Sorry.” Felix decided to scoot further from Changbin to give him space. Changbin then put his hand on Felix’s thigh, “It’s okay. I’m sorry too…Just- I don't wanna talk about it.” And suddenly Seungmin was at the table and Changbin’s attention was entirely on the other. 

He passed Changbin a martini glass with orange sugar decorating the rim who responds with a soft, “Thank you,” and maintains eye contact throughout his first sip. The once preoccupied couple speak up, “Hey, uh. Jinnie and I are gonna go dancing. So, we’ll be back at some point.” Seungmin now sitting on the other side of Changbin holding his Jack and Coke close, nodded passively. Felix then noticed that Changbin had been playing with Seungmin’s empty glass during their entire conversation. Felix leaned back to look at the dancefloor and would glance at the pair beside him from time to time. Whatever they were talking about seemed very one-sided and Felix almost felt bad. 

Having found Jisung and Hyunjin in the crowd he laughed at their antics before feeling someone poke his shoulder. “Wanna dance?” “Huh?” Felix felt taken aback. “Wanna dance? I kinda want to, but I don’t wanna go alone.” He felt excitement coursing through him, but tried to keep his ‘yeah, sure’ cool and collected. Seungmin preoccupied on his phone waved Changbin off as he pulled Felix further and further from the table to the dancefloor. 

It was something about pressing his body so close to a practical stranger, the blast of the music vibrating through his veins, the sound of his own heart echoing in his ears. The night felt endless. Just him and Changbin. His hands all over the other and the other’s hands all over him. Hazy thoughts and blurred lines- he felt intoxicated the more the other giggled into his shoulder, whispered into his ear. When Changbin tilted his head back in laughter- exposing the tan skin of his neck- Felix couldn’t help himself and pressed a firm kiss right below his jaw. They moved so slowly after that, their eyes looking for each other’s. Changbin smiled almost innocently with a glint in his eyes and removed his hold from around Felix’s shoulder turning around and beginning to walk off. 

Instinctively Felix chased after, pulling Changbin flush against his chest with an arm around his waist- almost desperately. Changbin stilling as he locked gazes with someone across the room causing Felix to follow his line of sight. He found sharp eyes looking at him over another glass of dark alcohol- Jack and Coke. He let go. Whatever Seungmin and Changbin were, Felix had no part in. Sighing, Felix decided it was the perfect time to get a drink. Finding Jisung and Hyunjin on his way there, Jisung advised him to buy anything he wanted and put it on his tab. Two drinks in, he ordered a third to make his way back to the table with. 

A pang of jealousy rang inside him as he saw Seungmin’s hand tangled in Changbin’s hair as they made out. The bitter taste on his tongue increased as Seungmin tilted his head and coincidentally opened his eyes to look as Felix made it to the table. Only then did he pull back to welcome him back nonchalantly. Changbin looked dazed and even prettier with the way his pink lips became a darker hue and glistened under the dim lights. Noticed the knowing grin Jisung threw at him before he sat down. “Here, I got you this.” He offered his untouched drink to Changbin and watched as the other looked at the peach toned drink- salt rim, grapefruit slice, and all.

As Changbin reached for it another hand had taken the drink, “Mind if I try?” Seungmin asked Changbin, who eagerly nodded. So he tilted the glass and pulled back with a look of distaste, “Not sure you’ll like it. It’s not as sweet- it’s fruity.” He handed the drink off and Changbin thanked Felix before trying it himself. His only reaction was a tilt of the head and a pensive look. “Do you not like it?” “No, it’s nice. It’s refreshing.” Felix smiled, “I hoped it would be. It’s a Paloma, I downed like two of those to cool off for a bit. I was hoping you’d like it since you were drinking a-” “A peaches and cream martini,” Changbin cut off laughing at the end. “Yeah, I usually like sweeter drinks, but I really needed this after all that dancing. I was getting kinda… hot.” Subtly tilted his head to expose his neck- the same side Felix kissed- now branded with a blossoming hickey.

They all talked for a while after- Felix reminding himself to not take Changbin’s advances seriously. Obviously the other was trying to get Seungmin’s attention and who was he to interfere after just one night of dancing. Learned Seungmin was an English major with plans of attending law school as a graduate student. Also learned that Changbin was an engineering major and music minor with a concentration in composition. Brought up how he was one of the people Jisung made music with. The silver haired boy found it harder and harder to not be attracted to the other. Noticed how no matter what he learned of Seungmin and Changbin he didn’t know anything about  _ Seungmin and Changbin _ . Was too afraid to ask.

At some point they all got tired and decided to head home. Seungmin and Changbin would get an uber and Hyunjin- who hadn’t had alcohol all night- was driving back with Jisung so he offered to take Felix back too. They parted and were on their way to Hyunjin’s car before he felt someone grab his hand. He turned to black fluffy bangs and a small smile, “You didn’t give me your number,” Changbin pouted. So Felix pulled his hand back and handed Changbin his unlocked phone to call himself from. Past the other’s shoulder he saw Seungmin. Hands in his pockets, head tilted, eyes cold. They once again shared goodbyes and a quick ‘text me!” Then saw Changbin practically bounce back towards Seungmin making Felix cringe. 

He turned and they were on their way again. He glanced over his shoulder only to see Changbin look back and smile at him one last time. Was this love at first sight?

The ride home wasn’t anything special. It was relatively quiet with the music playing in the background and small talk between the couple in the front. They reached Felix’s apartment and Jisung volunteered to walk him up. Suggested the stairs rather than the elevator, but he got dizzy two flights up so they just remained seated on the stairs. 

“Hey, Jisung?” “Hm?” “What’s up with Seungmin and Changbin?” Head thrown back with echoing laughter, Jisung responded, “I knew you’d be interested.” The confusion on his friend’s face was evident, “I did want you to meet our other friends, but I also thought you and Binnie could be really good together.” He began picking at his nails, looking at the dull beige wall with a bored expression, “He met Seungmin in a class last year- Psych. Somehow they hit it off, I guess. Changbin wouldn’t shut up about him, introduced us, and I guess the feeling was mutual.” An overdramatic eyeroll, “But apparently! Apparently, Seungminnie has commitment issues and doesn’t want to ‘label their relationship.’”

Jisung got up and Felix followed and they continued up the stairs. “I’m tired of seeing him so depressed. Waiting for some guy to finally decide he wants to be with him. I’ve grown up with him and never in my life have I seen him act so carelessly. It’s almost painful to watch.” They reached the designated floor and walked through the corridor for room 159. “What does this have to do with me?” “I saw you guys tonight. You know dancing, having a good time. I think you could finally get Changbin to move on; to really make him happy. You can’t deny there’s some sort of attraction between you guys.” 

Felix knew this wasn’t his place, but the idea of seeing Changbin again and being the reason behind that pretty smile. Even hoping to see the way his face lit up, seeing that aimed at him rather than Seungmin sounded incredible. “Yeah, I guess there was something.” “Great! So, don’t be shy and go for it. You’ll be seeing each other more now, too so…” Jisung trailed off a glint in his eyes and Felix unlocked his door. One last, “Are you sure?” and an affirmative, “Yeah, you’ll make him so happy.” Jisung laid a hand on his shoulder, “Please, man. You’ll be my last chance at helping Binnie.” Felix knew he was thinking irrationally, but one memory of the other whispering into his ear had all reason vanishing, “Yeah, okay. I’ll give it a shot.”

They parted ways with a hopeful plan in mind. Felix would be lying if he said he didn’t revisit the way they locked eyes- the weight of the other’s body pressed against his own- and dreamt of being the one to leave the mark by his jaw. 


	2. It's Different

‘You busy?’

Felix texted the other boy. He was anxious, but couldn’t help it. It had been a couple weeks since they met and as expected whenever Jisung or Hyunjin invited him places Changbin and Seungmin would be there by default. Initially feeling like a 5th wheel turned into him fighting for Changbin’s attention. In reality, it wasn’t too hard as Seungmin didn’t add much to the conversation while the shorter boy among them talked plenty. So Felix encouraged his rambling sessions, added to whatever it was the other was saying, showed interest in response to Seungmin’s disinterest.

He knew they were friends now. In those 7 weeks they went out together, studied together, Changbin even stayed the night at one point. Sure, he freaked out the next morning and profusely apologized about taking advantage of Felix’s hospitality. But the silver haired boy thinks that lead to them getting closer, a bond of trust forming. While they made breakfast together in his small kitchen, it felt oddly domestic. Their shared laughter bouncing off the walls. It felt good not waking up to an empty apartment and sharing breakfast with someone by his side.

“I just think it’s super weird that Engineering Majors have to take Chemistry,” the black haired boy whined. “I just think it sucks that somehow our classes line up, but we just happen to be taking them with different professors at different times.” Changbin laughed at that, “Stop, if you saw me that much you’d definitely grow tired of me,” Felix set down his fork reaching for his morning coffee, “I don’t think I’d ever get tired of you. It'd make me happy having you around all the time.” He wasn’t lying, he was being nonchalantly honest and that surprised the other. Maybe Seungmin was never this openly nice to him. The boy’s response was to hum as he processed the information.

Felix knew better than to pry, but couldn’t help it. “So, how are you and Seungmin?” “We’re the same as always.” “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” “Felix, I don’t know if you’re expecting something, but I know that Seungmin cares about me.” It irritated Felix that it wasn’t a like or a love it was a ‘he cares about me.’ The other pushed his plate aside and let his mug down, “Lots of people care about you; Hyunjin, Jisung… I care about you, too.” “It’s different!” Changbin looked helpless rather than angry and that made Felix feel defeated too. “How is it different?” He shouldn’t have insisted so much because Changbin’s lip trembled as his eyes shone, “I- I’m going home.”

He got up and collected his things scattered across the room in a haste, “Thank you for having me.” Felix trailed after him apologizing for overstepping, but the damage was done and with a definite goodbye he was out of the apartment.

It had been an hour or two since Felix texted Changbin and he knew it wasn’t due to class, but the other could be busy regardless. He occupied himself as he thought of the other. Since the argument in his apartment Felix noticed a distance growing between Changbin and Seungmin. The smaller wouldn’t try to get Seungmin’s attention every second, wouldn’t try to liven a dead conversation between the two, would interact with Hyunjin and Jisung more. Even seemed to get closer to Felix, which threw him off. They were on nickname terms now: Lix and Binnie. Jisung even congratulating him on his progress.

He would feel bad when Seungmin reached out for Changbin - grabbing his hand, an arm over his shoulder, fingertips brushing his bangs from his face- and the other would visibly flinch or move away. Felt guilt knowing he caused that, but he radiated with joy as the other invaded his personal space- all sweet and pretty. And yeah, he did notice how Seungmin would stop coming at times, but who was he to worry about that if it meant the boy of his dreams latching onto him. It really felt like a double date between them all.

‘Not busy! What’s up?

‘Mind if I call you?’

‘No! Go ‘head!’

So he did. “Hey what’s up?” Smiling through the phone Felix answered, “Ah, nothing really. Jisung said something about some event you guys are doing, but he had work so he told me to ask you.” Some shuffling and some muffled voices, “Yeah, totally forgot to invite you, haha. Ji, Channie, and I have a performance next weekend and obviously you have to be there.” “Obviously,” Felix emphasized. “Lix, if you’re not busy right now, why don’t you just come to the studio. You’ll finally meet Chan!” So he agreed and asked for the address.

An hour later found him in front of an elevator of some apartment complex. He called Changbin down and they made their way up together. “So it’s next Saturday at 10 and ends at 12, but usually the crowd keeps us till 1. Is that okay? It’ll be so fun! You can hang backstage with Hyunjin and some of Chan’s friends.” They were walking down a corridor as it registered that Changbin didn’t say Seungmin was coming to their show. “Is uh Seungmin coming?” Momentary sadness floated in his eyes, “Maybe. Anyways we’re here,” Changbin looked a little dimmer than seconds before so Felix was going to make it his mission to fix that.

“Channie, we’re here!” He heard a person laughing before he even registered their presence in the room. A guy of similar height, but bigger build appeared by the entrance all smiley and blonde and good looking. Not what Felix expected. “Wow, you must be Felix. I can finally put a face to your name.” He seemed nice enough, “Same, I always hear about your guys’ studio stories. It’s nice to meet you.” Chan shook his hand, but his smile disappeared for a fraction of a second as he tilted his head. Examining his facial expressions before smiling even bigger and dramatically showing him around his apartment.

It was cool learning about music production and hearing some of their works in progress as well as snippets of the tracks they’ll be performing in a week. It was nice as being with Changbin always was, but he liked Chan too. He was cool and very inviting. Apparently was also Australian which resonated within Felix. Then things took a turn as they got hungry later into the evening. Chan suggested Changbin go down the block to that takeout place they’re always craving. “I’ll go with you-” “It’s fine, it’s really close. Right, Binnie?” The other was already getting his jacket, “Haha, of course. It won’t take long and you and Chan can get to know each other more.” Chan gave the other his wallet and told him to come back safely.

He walked Changbin out and Felix had no choice, but to wait on that single leather chair as Chan’s footsteps got closer. “So, you’re Felix?” “Um, I am.” Chan sat in his rolling chair and scooted it in front of the other. “The same one that likes Binnie?” He was getting uncomfortable, “Uh, yeah. What about it?” “Nothing, just surprised someone got Changbin away from Seungmin,” Felix had no idea where he was going with this. Felt defensive, “I don’t-” “Look, I just know you did something and now Changbin doesn’t want to hang around Seungmin. Doesn’t wanna see him, talk to him. All that jazz.” Felix sat up straight and looked into the other’s eyes hoping to come off as intimidating, “Isn’t that a good thing? You’re his friend wouldn’t you want to see him happy away from Seungmin. Jisung sure seems happier that now he has me instead.”

Chan’s eyes remained calm and analytical as he took in every word only to push his chair back. “Jisung’s an idiot because he cares for Changbin too much. But you and I both know Changbin can take care of himself. And maybe your blinded by whatever it is you feel for Changbin now, but Seungmin does care for him.” That same bubbling anger rose, “Care? Do you really think that’s enough? He always brushing him off and acting as if he was forced to be around him. Don’t you think that takes its toll?” Chan remain composed at his outburst and that pissed him off futher. “And what Felix? You think you can ‘fix’ him? You’re not the first to try.” Felix stood up instinctively, to tower over Chan’s seated figure to possibly made himself feel in control. It wasn’t working.

Chan sighed as if talking to a child who wasn’t understanding being denied something, “I need you to step back. Look at Changbin and ask yourself, ‘Is he really happy now?’ Think past your own happiness if you’re ‘love’ is a selfless as you seem to believe it is. I’m not doing this to upset you, I’m just looking out for my friends. I know you understand that.” Felix grit his teeth and glared at Chan before getting his things to head home. “You’re not gonna stay for dinner?” His voice sounded innocent and genuinely interested as if he wasn’t just interrogating him a few minutes ago. “No, I’ll tell Binnie I got tired.” “Ah, it’s not good to lie Lixie.”

He whipped his head around, voice darkening, “Don’t call me that.” The other chuckled good naturedly, “Fine, but what about your food?” Felix opening the main door already, “You bought it, you eat it.” “Ah, okay. Get home safe-!” And the door slammed.

The week passed by slowly and now he was the one distancing himself from Changbin. Not more than he needed to- just whenever Chan was invited to anything. This must be how Changbin felt leaving his house that one morning, but he didn’t want to believe he caused the other distress. Doesn’t want to think that distancing himself from Changbin was like the other distancing himself from Seungmin. No, they were different.

The day of the performance came and Felix was surprised at the venue size and audience. It looked big, like a little over a hundred people could fit, but after everyone filed in and he asked Hyunjin there were apparently 350 people. It was nice hanging backstage, meeting Minho and Jeongin who he thought were too nice until he heard how much they teased everyone else. In comparison to Minho, Jeongin was a newer friend and it was his first time meeting everyone else. But Felix happily exchanged numbers with them both. Another surprise came when Seungmin showed up half an hour before 10.

Being let through, nonchalantly walking up behind everyone wearing all white. Looking angelic under the lights while his face looked removed of all emotions. “Binnie, your jacket.” The exchange was tense as Seungmin handed off a leather jacket to Changbin who didn’t look into his eyes as he said ‘thanks’ trying to get closer to the stage; awaiting 10 as if time would speed up. Chan greeting Seungmin in a hug before walking towards the smaller boy. The remaining boys just hung out off stage as the other two stayed isolated off to the side. Seungmin hadn’t really spoken to anyone other than a polite greeting and hushed whispers between him and Hyunjin when it came time for Jisung to part.

The show was beyond incredible seeing Changbin so passionate and full of life, the embodiement of the emotions coming out of his mouth. Again, he realized the other’s voice was a sirens song that bewitched him. Feeling awestruck the entire time left him longing and wanting to shower the other with love, like he deserves. He felt so overcome with emotion -adrenaline- that he just had to look away to not feel himself overflow with adoration. Maybe he shouldn’t have because he turned his head and saw Seungmin’s face.

His usually bored, disinterested expression has become a look of admiration, of pride that overtook his face- left his eyes bright and smile large. The way he was closer to the stage and how his body softly bounced to the rhythm. This Seungmin was intimidating, the Seungmin with his heart on his sleeve and his feelings on his face. But he was too late now. Changbin didn’t want him around and had made it clear if their earlier interaction was anything to go by.

He repressed his emotions as he too neared the stage and enjoyed the show as if the audiences’ cheers were coursing through his veins and taking over his body. He deserved to be here just as much as the other, maybe more so than the other. At least Changbin had actually invited him.

The 10 minute intermission was full of compliments and cheers from their friends. Hyunjin dabbing the sweat off Jisung’s forehead with a towel as he spoke praises sweetly. Chan running his own roughly through his hair and across his face as he jumped up full of energy. “Here,” Seungmin raised a similar towel to Changbin’s face without pressing down. Felix felt the need to intervene, “Hey! You were so good! That was- that was amazing!” Rather than a once sharp glare, Seungmin almost looked unsettled at his presence. Changbin took the towel and turned all his attention to Felix.

“Ah! Thank you! I’m happy you’re enjoying this. We usually never go this long, but Channie has been working nonstop so he created some remixes and the last 3 songs should be just him.” The other animately talking to him as he moved his towel around his sweat soaked hair. Seungmin finding a place between Minho and Jeongin later joined by Chan.

“Hey Felix, do you mind if I borrow your jacket? It’s kinda hot in the leather now.” He was stunned for a second before he shrugged his own black denim jacket off his shoulder, “Yeah, of course. Here.” “Thank you,” he responded as he took of Seungmin’s own and put on Felix’s. Watched as Changbin walked it over to his owner who looked hurt before shifting his gaze elsewhere with a clenched jaw. And then they were back on stage. Didn’t help that Jisung laughed his way beforehand. It made him feel victorious with a dash of guilt.

Maybe he saw Seungmin bid farewell to everyone, but him. Maybe he saw him make his way out half way through the last set with his jacket in hand. He chose to ignore the way Jisung asked where Seungmin went and he acted like he didn’t care when Changbin heard he left and excused himself to use the bathroom. He’d run after Changbin if it wasn’t for Jisung’s grip on his elbow, “Let him process this. He’s probably confused. He’ll be fine.” Maybe Chan was right and Jisung was an idiot- but he decided to let his brain drift off to a happier Changbin. One that was completely over Seungmin.

When the show ended, the 3 gave a final ‘thank you’ to the crowd and tried to make food plans. They decided on a fast food place before heading out, “Wait! Let’s wait for Seungmin, he’s probably in the bathroom.” Then Jeongin spoke, “He left early. Said his dad wanted him home.” Chan looked disappointed, “Aw, he didn’t wait to say ‘Goodbye.’” “Don’t worry. He texted me that next time he’ll stay longer, haha. Cause apparently he wasn’t even suppose to be out tonight,” Jeongin’s playful tone felt like it held a deeper meaning that Felix couldn’t decipher. But he could decipher Changbin’s face, he looked annoyed. At the information or at Jeongin, he couldn’t quite tell.

The food was good and they laughed a lot. And when Hyunjin and Jisung dropped him off Chan’s words still echoed in his head. “It sucks that Seungmin couldn’t enjoy the entire show. After working so hard to get this venue for us, I kind of hoped to celebrate with him.” He knew the other had other intentions and the look he shot Felix only added to the affect. His nightmare consisted of the hurt look on Seungmin’s face, haunting him through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Sorry if Felix is unlikeable. Haha last chapter Seungmin was a little off, but oh how the turn tables.


	3. The Lucky Jacket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really fun to write! A little Changbin insight, oop!

Liking Seungmin was always as emotionally draining as it was fulfilling. They met in a General Ed class as college freshmen, it was a random choice for both. Seungmin had gotten waitlisted for another class that fulfilled the same requirements and added the class rather than spending time stressing over an open spot. Changbin didn’t really notice him at first, but suddenly Seungmin was all he saw. The boy was always there when Changbin arrived a minute before the professor would start. And on exam days when Changbin would study last minute in the hall 15 minutes before class, he’d also find Seungmin rereading his notes on the wall opposite his. Tall and put together, murmuring concepts under his breath, tilting his head back to rest on the wall in a frustrated sigh. Staring down at Changbin as he blinked- and that’s when he knew he liked the other.

Changbin started coming to class earlier just to be able to ask Seungmin if he did the homework or if he could explain classical conditioning in the branch of behaviorism. They exchanged numbers just in case they were absent, but then Changbin would test his luck with a random 'How was the rest of your day? Mine was exhausting,' or 'Wanna hang out after class, you know to study for the quiz?' Always more than one overexcited exclamation mark and one too many hopeful question marks. Their friendship finally took off as Seungmin indulged the other even if his responses were short and few.

Seungmin was cute, if not a little socially awkward. His jaw was sharp, but his facial features were soft. He either dressed preppy or sporty or casual, but it always suited him so well. They'd always sit next to each other and if someone took one of their spots they'd find a different seat and save it for their "friend." Two months in Seungmin was introduced to childhood best friend, Jisung and Seungmin introduced them to his best friend and roommate, Hyunjin. 

It was over a movie night at Seungmin’s dorm that he kissed Changbin for the first time. During a late night convenience store run that Seungmin confessed and they walked back hand in hand. But it was on a ‘not date’ beach date that Changbin got tired of waiting and asked Seungmin out only to be denied. “I think we’re good as we are. I mean I really do like you and I’ll continue holding your hand and giving you all the kisses you want,” Seungmin explained as he tried to get Changbin to turn towards him and stop pulling away. “I hope you’re not asking me to be something I don’t feel comfortable being,” Changbin said slipping his hand away from Seungmin’s grip. “And what would that be?” Locking enraged eyes with pleading ones, “I don’t want to be some friend with benefits thing! Some fuck buddy! I thought you were serious about this whole thing.”

“No, it’s not like that! I do care about you! Changbin, please just hear me out,” he finally turned Changbin around to see his sad eyes and how the sunset glistened in the reflection of the tears hanging onto his bottom lashes. “I would never put you in a situation you wouldn’t be comfortable being in. I just- I need time. To figure things out, but I still want to be with you. I just don’t want to put a label on what we already have.” Wiping at the other’s stray tear and looking at his pout, “I just want to be happy beside you. To keep doing this with you without feeling like one day it’ll end. I want to enjoy us, just like this. But I’ll understand if that’s not enough.”

Seeing that melancholic expression on Seungmin’s face left no room for reason as he moved forward to hug the other. “No, I like this too. I’ll wait for you if that’s what you need me to do.” Seungmin hugged him back firmly and with a kiss to the top of the other’s head he whispered to the wind, “You’re too good for me. I don’t know what I’d do if someone took you from me.” Although it was wistful, Changbin laughed, “You’ll always have me, Min!” And they returned to splashing cold water and kicking sand till the moon replaced the sun and they snuggled up asleep in a nearby hotel thinking of love rather than like.

They were practically dating so, Changbin didn’t complain; although sometimes it hurt, Changbin stayed positive. Knowing the other cared for him was enough. Even if Jisung and Hyunjin began officially dating before them or when Jisung would introduce him to other guys who he believed “would give him his rightful place.” He wanted no one, but Seungmin. Not even Bang Chan could deteer his focus from Seungmin, rather the other became his confidant, his friend, and advisor. Sure, when people asked what they were he’d have to say they were friends and yeah, maybe sometimes he’d think Seungmin was embarrassed at the possibility of being seen as something more to him. 

But those thoughts were momentary and easily supressed as soon as the other smiled at him or gifted him objects with an awkward wording of, “Saw this and thought you’d like it so here.” When the other learned of his passion for music, he helped Chan and Jisung buy needed equipment. For his birthday, he somehow booked 3racha as openers in some popular underground rap club. Promoted them as if their manager and their following grew. Changbin was thankful- extremely. But call him ungrateful for wanting Seungmin’s undivided attention over everything. Wanting to be shown off publicly to anyone they came across. 

The other so hot and cold. Too busy, but also showering him in gifts. Uninterested, but indulging. Unable to label their relationship, but overprotective of any attention directed onto Changbin. He was blunt and sharp tongued, but when alone was sweet and gentle. Sometimes not caring at all and suddenly caring too much. For months on end. And then came Felix. 

Confident and saying exactly what we meant. Meaning what he said everytime, not caring of how it came off. His infatuation was an overwhelming force. Almost reminding him of Seungmin before that day on the beach. Maybe he shouldn’t have let himself drift away knowing Felix’s intentions, but seeing him and being able to compare the two was almost inevitable. And that morning when Felix asked him, ‘How is it different?’ Changbin should’ve responded as he’s done before, but he couldn’t. Not with that expectant look on the other’s face as if he was ready to fight no matter the answer. 

The words echoing in his head everytime he saw or heard Seungmin. Those insecurities and that ache in his chest so clear when the other was around. He didn’t want to wait, maybe the charm wore off. His touch upsetting him now, no longer comforting and warm. Feeling almost foreign and he’d react against it as if it hurt on the outside as it did on the inside. He’d feel guilty not responding and ever more so when Seungmin stopped going out with them. Only to be reminded that Changbin had to practically convince and beg the other to join. He shouldn’t have to stoop so low for company- not when Felix was willingly there for him and him only, extending a hand out to him everytime. So open with his emotions. Brave even.

No one seemed to care much for his change in behavior; well except for Hyunjin asking if something was wrong and Seungmin wondering if he needed space. Well, no one cared more than Chan- at least. “Seungmin’s been asking where you’ve been lately. If you’ve been busy.” “Mm, guess I have been,” he trailed off, but he knew Chan wouldn’t let it go. “With what?” “Chan, it’s nothing. I just made a friend and I guess I really like having them around.” They were working on a song and decided to call it a night as they ate takeout with some thriller playing as background noise. 

“Lemme guess… Some kid named Felix?” Changbin tried not to act fazed, “Yeah, how did you know that?” “Oh, Ji told me and I quote, ‘Binnie’s been hanging around our friend Felix. Man that guy is whipped, you’d know if you finally left the studio.’ Blah blah and more blah.” “That’s your best impression?” They laughed, “Of course! So, tell me,” and Changbin did. Seungmin’s name going completely unmentioned.

“What did you say to Felix?” Sounding more like a demand than a question. He set the takeout down on the once occupied leather chair, “He texted me ‘I’m tired,’ but didn’t answer my call and when I asked if he was okay, he didn’t respond. What did you say?!” Changbin felt frantic, what if the other was scared off? What if he didn’t want anything to do with him anymore? Did he give up on him that easily? Was he really not worth the risk? First Seungmin, now Felix. Selfish thoughts and anxiety created buzzing bees in his lungs. “Chan…” “Hey, hey. No, Binnie, come here.” He pulled the other close, “It was nothing. You know, just the regular best friend threat of ‘I’ll hurt you, if you hurt Binnie.’ Probably just spooked him.” “Oh, okay.” He wonders if Seungmin was ever given this warning and if he ran off, too.

The feeling remained when Felix kept his distance, but when he realized it was only when Chan hung around, it made sense. So he laid his worries to rest. Then it was performance day, his favorite feeling. One he was excited to show Felix. But then Seungmin was there and his excitement plunged into unease. The other lending him “the lucky jacket” as they liked to call it. The one Seungmin wore for his first performance and placed over Changbin’s shoulders to ease the nerves. One he always brought. It fit just how he liked it to, slightly bigger and warm- like a hug from the other. But he walked away as he did with his conflicted feelings for the jacket owner. 

He’d admit it was rude to ask for Felix’s own and return Seungmin’s, but he needed the other to know that time doesn’t stop just cause you wish for it to. His chest might’ve hurt when he heard the other left, might’ve cried a little in the backstage bathroom, and the pang translating into jealousy at Jeongin’s sudden closeness for someone they all just met.

“Binnie, what is going on?” Hyunjin had shown up with Jisung and had them all sit down. Said they needed to ‘talk.’ “What do you mean?” Genuinely confused. “What do I mean? What I mean is, what is going on with you and Seungmin? He keeps asking me how you’ve been cause you  _ blocked _ him?” Jisung chuckled in a mocking way, “He’s got Felix now, does it matter?” The glare Hyunjin sent his boyfriend was chilling and he knew it affected Jisung if the way he excused himself to get a glass of water meant anything. “Look, are you and Felix dating? Cause if you are, I’m just wasting my time. But Binnie, Seungmin’s worried about you. Said he hasn’t seen you in so long it’s stressing him out.” 

The smaller couldn’t help, but roll his eyes, “If he was so worried, why didn’t he come instead?” Hyunjin moved closer, “He wanted to. I promise you he did, but he also said he didn’t want to invade your space. Doesn’t wanna put you in an uncomfortable position and upset you further. So he asked me to come in his place.” Changbin wanted to cry. Seungmin has no right being this considerate now. For caring for him like this. But he wanted more and Seungmin will continue to deny him of that pleasure. So he stands his ground, “I think I’m tired of waiting,” “Changbin, you can’t be serious…” He glared at Hyunjin, “I am and I’m ready to move on. And if you’re really my friend; you’ll respect my decision!” 

He heard Jisung entering the room and knew Hyunjin heard it too as he spoke in a quieter voice, “Don’t you think you need to talk to Seungmin about this?” But Changbin was tired, so he stood abruptly and with a firm tone spoke, “Why would I? He’s not my boyfriend! I don’t owe him an explanation and I don’t owe you one either!” His words poisonous and effective as Hyunjin flinched and when registering Jisung’s shocked face, he ran to his room embarrassed of his actions. He heard the front door close, but he remained in his balled up position on the floor. Even if he called up Felix for comfort, he really wished it was Seungmin whispering into his hair and wrapping him up in his arms.

He apologized to Hyunjin and Jisung when he saw them next. Tried to get back to how things were and even unblocked Seungmin. Giving a brief, meaningless apology. Not explaining anything further. It soon became movie nights at Felix’s, or song writing over coffee at those overpriced cafes with the best pastries. Going shopping and laughing as they posed in crazy ways. Changbin really thought he was happy. Even reciprocated Felix’s goodnight kiss one day after buying that pink hoodie from that store Seungmin bought “the lucky jacket” at.

He really thought he was happy, but it was half way through Spring semester. 7 months after meeting Felix when he finally saw Seungmin again. Saw the boy leaning against the wall rereading his notes, lopsided smile on his face. Looking put together and cute all at once, next to Jeongin. He’d noticed the closeness since their performance so long ago. Knew how Minho and Jeongin became official friends in their group. Saw how Jeongin looked at the other, noticed the lingering hand on the other’s forearm, the teasing voice that was borderline flirty. But what was that to Changbin when he was hyperfocused on Felix and the happiness the other could bring him.

How the hard stare burning holes on his cheek turned lukewarm and suddenly Seungmin wasn’t even looking at him altogether. No, he couldn’t be regretting this now. Not when Felix held such fondness in his eyes, when Seungmin might’ve also moved on, he had no right. He was never Seungmin’s boyfriend, but maybe Jeongin could be. Even when they met up and he kissed Felix infront of everyone, all he hoped for was the disappointment on Jeongin’s face as Seungmin denied him the right to be his. Practically wished for it as he pulled away to see Seungmin leaving and pulling Jeongin with him. Hands connected, fingers interlocked. Maybe if Felix wasn’t smiling so lovingly as he looked at him. Maybe he’d chase after Seungmin and pry their hands apart, “Changbin, would you like to be my boyfriend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys like this!!! I'll keep working hard! Thank you to those who are reading and enjoying!!


	4. You'll Always Have Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So cheesy! I might end this at 8 chapter, unless I wanna stretch out certain ideas then I'll make 10. Unless that's too much- let me know!!

_ You’ll always have me, Min! _

It felt so distant now. That happy smile, that laughter directed at him, the weight of Changbin pressed against him. Grip so tight and comforting, giggling into shoulder, his arm, his back. The vibrations reverberating throughout Seungmin’s body and translating to the beat of his heart. Changbin’s hand smaller than his own, his voice soothing, and his words so meaningful. Liking him and meaning it.

_ You’ll always have me, Min! _

But suddenly he was an arms length away, finger tips grasping the air between them. Changbin was suddenly intangible. To Seungmin and Seungmin alone. In the presence of the other he became a stranger and his spot was quickly occupied by a silver haired boy with stars adorning his face and heart-filled eyes. He knew he should’ve been more cautious. The night he placed a kiss on Changbin’s jaw, he saw the look he gave the other. Unfortunately, he could imagine the look Changbin gave him back. Exhilarating and as innocent as it was mischievous. But even then, the other always came back to him. Kissed him first and laughed at Seungmin’s loss of control as his hand found purchase in thick black hair.

_ You’ll always have me, Min! _

“He what?!” Hyunjin leaned against the desk Seungmin occupied, “Min, calm down. He stayed the night at Felix’s.” “Why?!” Now he was standing, upset at the implication. It might explain why Changbin kept moving away from him and closer to the other. He looked at Seungmin like he was scared of him, flinched at his touch, glued himself to Felix. Why go out if Changbin was stuck to Felix, why torture himself further? “Seungmin, I don’t know,” Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “I heard it from Ji, apparently he fell asleep on his couch and they made breakfast or something? I don’t know. Ji said they fought, but he won’t tell me what happened so…” The other trailed off and began picking at his nails, “They fought?” Running hand through his hair out of pure confusion, “But you have noticed he’s like extra close to Felix, right?” 

Hyunjin had them move to sit on Seungmin’s made bed, “Well, yeah. To be honest, it looks like he’s avoiding you instead,” “Right! This makes no sense.” It was quiet as they processed this. “Hey, does Jisung still hate me?” Hyunjin let his hand rest on his friend’s knee, “Ji doesn’t hate you,” Seungmin’s turn to roll his eyes, “Right.” “Min, he doesn’t. He’s just overprotective, borderline obsessive or whatever, but you're still his friend and he’s yours.” What was the point of that hopeful statement when Seungmin knew the other didn’t think him good for Changbin. He was probably telling Felix exactly how to erase Seungmin out of Changbin’s life. “Min, whatever you’re thinking is not true. It’ll be okay, promise.” 

Things had somehow gotten worse so, he decided to visit Chan- the voice of reason. “He doesn’t respond to my texts, he doesn’t want me around him anymore, he-” Seungmin swallowed down the anger. “He’s been hanging around this guy. At first, it was fine. We were fine, things were the same between us. But now, things have completely changed!” His fists clenched atop his knee as he glared holes into Chan’s living room carpet. 

He never expected to be baring his soul to Bang Chan of all people. Another attempt of Jisung’s to keep Seungmin away. To show him another- better- guy could swoop in and take the only person he’s ever wanted to be his constant. Bang Chan who was good at everything. Who was funny and smart and passionate about things Changbin was passionate about. The second he realized the other had grown affectionate towards Changbin he felt anxiety settling itself in his rib cage. Growing to suffocate his aching heart. He hugged Changbin like it’d be their last embrace, spoke to him as if he was saying goodbye, looked at him with all the love he could muster. He was no match for Chan and still Changbin only looked at him.

He remembers fearing losing the other so much that he collected all his courage and found Chan one day. “I’m not letting you come between us.” Oh so collected Chan’s warm face morphed into something cold and emotionless, “Yeah? Well, what if he’s tired of being with you? Maybe he’s done waiting for whatever it is you keep promising him. Tired that it never seems to happen.” Seungmin couldn’t let himself hesitate, “If it came down to it and he chooses you, I’ll let him go. I want him to be happy and I know it’s selfish to keep him with me, but even with you around he only sees me.” Chan scoffed, “Look, Chan. I just came here to let you know, even if he chooses you. I’ll always be around. Willing to fight for him all over again. Waiting for you to mess up and man if you ever so much as hurt him-! I’ll- I’ll-!” His jaw clenched and his shoulders shook in a way that even scared him.

Chan looked genuinely surprised. And in a very Chan-like manner invited the other out for a walk and he accepted utterly confused. “Honestly, I didn’t expect you to feel this way.” Annoyed at the confession, “What’s that suppose to mean?” The other lifted his hands in surrender, “I mean, Jisung said you didn’t care about Changbin. Said it was some superficial attraction of sorts. But I get it; how can someone exist around Changbin and not fall for him?” Seungmin stopped walking so Chan turned back to him, “I really shouldn’t have gotten involved if I knew you were serious about him. So I’ll back off, I’m sorry.” Seungmin thanked him in all his awkward glory and deep down he felt guilt at keeping Changbin away from someone like Chan. If anyone knew his love for the other it was Bang Chan.

“Seungmin, relax. Dude, you’ve been there before and nothing ever came between you two. He could just be excited having met someone new.” He talked as he walked around the living room to fetch the other a glass of water from the kitchen. To say he was surprised would be an understatement. He rounded the corner to see Seungmin bent over, elbows resting on his knees, head nestled in his hands. He rushed to sit beside him- glass of water forgotten on the coffee table. “Seungmin, hey. You okay?” He always expected Seungmin to be a silent crier, “It’s not the same. I really think I’m losing him… Please… Please, help me.” The other a broken record of pleading and soft hiccups, causing an almost unnoticable shaking to overcome his thin figure. “Talk to him for me. I just- I just need to know he’s okay. I… I don’t know what to do. I miss him. I miss him so much.” 

That day at the concert venue told him all he needed to know. He always liked how his jacket hung around the other’s frame, but he also understood the message behind Changbin returning it as Felix’s own clung to his figure better. Pretty as always. He couldn’t help but feel replaced. Hurt and betrayed. He tried to stay, but the longer he looked at Changbin onstage and glanced at Felix’s enamored expression he realized he was a nuisance in this equation. He bid Hyunjin a rushed goodbye, politely excused himself from Minho, and embraced Jeongin telling the other to text him. 

He drove home heartbroken, arriving only to be told off by his awaiting father. Who followed him to his room spewing words of embarrassment and shaming the Kim name. Telling him he was reckless and inconsiderate, disrespectful for disobeying him, and ungrateful for using his connections for such stupidities. Nothing hurt as it usually did- nothing felt heavier than the weight of his jacket against his palm. 

Seungmin lifelessly going through the motions Monday as he returned to his shared dorm. Head floaty and body weak, “I’m just worried, but not only is he ignoring me. He also blocked me,” he tried to sound unaffected, but it came out robotic. Hyunjin was taken aback, but all his words of concern flew over his head. He couldn’t process anything other than the cotton in his ears and the static in his head. He cut the other’s frantic ranting off with his almost mumbled words, “I wanna see him, but it might make him push me away further. Hyunjin, I don’t know what I’d do if he did that.” Seungmin always hated crying- that pressure against his throat, like weight to his chest. His voice void, but tears running freely down his cheeks- resting on his jaw before jumping off. “I don’t want to make him uncomfortable by showing up. He clearly doesn’t want to see me… But- but um… Can you check on him for me?” The blank look and the way his own tears left Seungmin unaffected terrified Hyunjin. “Yeah… yeah, of course.” “Thanks.”

Seungmin wanted things to be back to normal, but this was his new normal. He felt almost idiotic at his surge of happiness at Changbin’s, ‘Sorry I blocked you. I’ve been busy, hope you can understand.’ So formal and nothing like the other, but it was something. The only other change was Minho and Jeongin. Jeongin who he met months ago through Chan and was happy existed beside him as his feelings were trampled over and over again. Jeongin who was observant and trustworthy. He hated how Jeongjin figured him out the first night they met in Chan’s apartment, but entirely grateful to have seen him again at that concert. 

Jeongin who playfully flirted with him, who lent a comforting touch, who over analyzed every interaction to try to convince him that Changbin was still very much his. Who kept him company and joked around all with perfect timing. Somehow making his analytical British Lit notes sound far more interesting than he knew they were. A familiar hand to hold as Changbin kissed Felix- right in front of him. Painfully and torturously endearing. Seungmin was tired of crying at this point. He needed to let go. Changbin’s happiness was at stake and he wasn’t willing to risk it by placing himself where he was not needed. 

_ You’ll always have me, Min! _

The Changbin in his dreams was sweet as was the real one, but that night as he drove himself home. As he hugged his mother’s torso and hid his face against her tummy, the same way he did when he was a child. As she pet his hair and later sang him to sleep, he felt momentary peace. But that night the Changbin in his dreams was cruel, his intentions evil. That Changbin loved Felix openly, kissed him publicly, and rubbed their relationship in Seungmin’s face shamelessly. That Changbin felt vengeful and had a panic-stricken Seungmin launch himself into a seated position, startled awake. That Changbin was calm in the way he hated Seungmin. 

_ I was never yours. _

He needed to start over, starting by accepting change. Woke up to missed calls and a few texts. Asking where he was. What had happened to him. And-

'Min, Changbin and Felix are dating. Please answer your phone!!!'

New day, new Seungmin. His fingers shaky and his breath uneven. It was hard to type as his vision blurred.

'I heard the news. I wish you the best. I hope you can finally be happy.'

'Changbin, I really am sorry'

He needed space. Needed space. Space. He didn’t go to school the following week and emailed all his professors about how he had fallen ill, but would still turn in his assignments as expected. He spoke to his mom during that time. Opened up for the first time since he was confused about his sexual orientation at 13. And when he figured it out, but remained terrified at 14. She knew of Changbin. But nothing other than his name, his major, and how he was the love of his life. She understood and held his hand in both of hers without interruption. He told her about why he was unable to be Changbin’s boyfriend.

That until his father was to accept him being his son, he wouldn’t let Changbin step a foot into his home. Keep him as far from his father as possible. Would change his dream of being a professional baseball player to take over his father’s law firms. Would be at his father’s beck and call. Enduring insults infront of his father’s co-workers and snide remarks around family friends. Remained unfazed, proper, and proud. Be the ideal son to prove his sexuality isn’t an inconvenience. Would take all his father’s disgust and hatred as long as Changbin remained unaffected. His father never seemed to waiver so maybe it really was too much to ask for a lifetime for his traditional, conservative father to change. Still, he really did try. 

Chan and Jeongin came to visit as he refused to acknowledge Hyunjin- who’s boyfriend couldn’t seem to stop sabotaging him. “There’s no way Hyunjin isn’t aware of what Jisung’s doing!” “Jeongin it’s fine.” “Are you serious? You suddenly disappear as if you didn’t know what a phone was. We were worried about you.” This was nice, Seungmin liked knowing they were his friends. “Ah, well. Hyunjin decided to update me on Felix and Changbin’s relationship so, I wished them the best and haven’t turned my phone on since.” Unexpectedly Chan was the one who grew angry, “Are you kidding me? Isn’t Hyunjin your best friend?! That’s so insensitive! Over text?” Seungmin laughed all empty inside and shrugged, “I was bound to find out. It’s okay, I think his love blinds him.” The two remained upset, “New topic please! This is draining me,” this time Seungmin genuinely laughed. The other two reciprocated.

“Seungmin! Where have you been? You wouldn’t answer or even tell me if you were okay. Jeongin and Chan told me you were at home, but when I called your mom she said you weren’t there.” He tried to remain calm, “It’s nothing. I was probably just coincidentally out when you called and forgot to call you back.” Hyunjin still looked worried with the way his brows creased. “I-” Seungmin’s expression softened at Hyunjin’s own, well until he saw Jisung coming into the living room. “Oh, where have you been?” Jisung really needed to stop mocking him. Seungmin just set his stuff down and tried to keep distance, “Nowhere, I just got sick so I went home for a bit.” 

The other following him anyway making Seungmin’s brow twitch, “Ji, stop.” A fake gasp from Jisung, “Wow, really? What a weird coincidence. Since you haven’t been around maybe you haven’t heard, but-” Hyunjin grew alert and pleaded, “Jisung, please… don’t.” Seungmin turned to face him head on as the other shrugged Hyunjin’s arm off. “Changbin and Felix are finally together, isn’t that amazing?” Seungmin moved past him quickly shoving into his shoulder harshly, “I have to say they look really good together. Finally, Changbin found someone who actually cares about him. Not some fucking loser who was just wasting his time.” Seungmin felt the venom and he also heard Hyunjin’s final plea.

He turned quickly, “I do care about him! Even now! As long as he’s happy- I’m happy.” His gaze falling once saying those words aloud. Trying to convince himself. “Oh, do you now? Care about him enough to make him wait almost 2 fucking years. Or care about him like you care about Jeongin? Hm?” Seungmin’s face scrunched up in confusion. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, asshole. Binnie looks at Felix and you’ve already got a back up ready. Right? Heard he was with you while you were ‘sick.’ Did you fuck already or are you gonna make him wait 2 years too?” “Jisung!”

Hyunjin’s outraged cry went unheard as Seungmin hit Jisung square in the jaw. “I’m really fucking tired of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading!!! And those who commented, you really made my day. I hope this is living up to your expectations. More angst!! I swear THEY WILL END UP TOGETHER, PROMISE!!


	5. Please, Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get a backstory and you get a backstory! Everyone gets a backstory! They're all just going through stuff and it hurts my feelings, but it probably hurts your feelings too. Sorry to my readers!!

Jisung to this day would say that meeting Changbin was a blessing. He was this perfect little kid with cheeks upturned and full. Smile bright and laughter boisterous. Who excitedly jumped up his patio stairs as he held his parents' hands and asked Jisung’s own permission to hang out with their son. Jisung who was new to the neighborhood and hid behind his mother’s legs, grabbing at her burnt orange maxi skirt. Looking at this smiling kid with his white bucket hat and overall strap halfway down his arm. Giggling as his parents pulled him up to the tips of his toes and an inch off the ground. Over and over, till Jisung found himself squealing along and stepping around his mother.

This boy who was so loved. Who radiated like his own personal sun. One he couldn’t help, but orbit around. A boy who ran on affection and considered hugs and kisses his only form of currency. Who’d immediately run to Jisung with a dandelion and a promise to make his wishes come true. His chubby palm in Jisung’s as he ran around his backyard knowing his mom and dad and older sister would be there waiting when he grew tired. Ready to wrap him up in their warm hugs and sweet praises. And Jisung who once envied the attention he lacked from his own parents, now embraced Changbin’s as his own. The way they spread their own love onto him as if wells of never ending tenderness. 

Jisung grew to mirror Changbin’s families’ treatment towards him. His own family distant as they liked to remind him his brother was a choice and he the accident. He grew with that weight only to translate that energy into a pledge to protect Changbin from ever having to endure anything painful. At 10, announced himself the other’s loyal knight and with light laughter the Seo family teased him about being the younger older brother. A title he took seriously and pridefully. 

And when he was finally old enough to understand his parent’s labels, when he was old enough to understand why during his parent’s divorce his mother left with only his brother in tow, he vowed to follow his light source to the ends of the Earth. His father might’ve hated him, but he knew Changbin didn’t and neither did his family. Accompanied the other through their childhood and their teens and now into their adulthood. Kept his promise and the other remained bright and radiant. Naive and innocent- everything Jisung wished he could be. Not who he was; someone full of anger and resentment. 

But Seungmin had to show up. He understood Seungmin’s exterior charm, but his words were not ones meant to be directed at Changbin. His promises fake and his excuses- further lies. Changbin was too gullible to see the other’s words were empty and meaningless. He knew the other said it was okay, said he wasn’t upset, said Seungmin was who he wanted to be with. But he saw the other’s longing stares, heard him crying to his sister over the phone about one specific person, had heard, “Maybe, I’m the problem.” That statement triggered something deep within Jisung. Brought a memory of a giggling toddler with a white bucket hat and overall strap falling from his shoulder being showered in love.

Jisung made it his mission to introduce someone new into the other’s life. Someone who saw what he saw in Changbin, what his family saw. Needed to save the other. He swore to. His place in Changbin’s life wasn’t accidental, he was meant to protect the other. He was made to keep his sun shining. Waiting for Seungmin to give up and recognize Jisung was a threat he should walk away from. But he persisted and Changbin’s feelings remained, unwavering. Growing stronger with time. He didn’t get the appeal.

“Ji. Ji, are you listening? Jisung!” Jisung finally snapped out of his trance, feeling his features relax as he faced his boyfriend. “Sorry, I just… Just uh got distracted.” “I can tell. I was asking if you wanted to visit that new dog cafe on Sunday.” Jisung unconsciously continued glaring at Seungmin across the room. Changbin making wild motions with his hands while Seungmin looked at him fondly- as he smiled faintly. It was weird. Unusual and unexpected. Felt out of place on the other’s usually blank face. And when he finally thought they’d split. He could’ve sworn his plan with Chan was going to be successful. But the other only came up to him one day all, “I decided to give up on pursuing Changbin. He seems to know who he wants, haha. I was fighting a battle I had no chance of winning.” He shrugged so nonchalantly, stupid smile displaying dimples. What? What happened?

Then, he met Felix. Thought he was a cool, good-looking guy and his mind filled in the gaps. Changbin seemed to take a liking to him too. This could be it, his chance of getting rid of Seungmin. To finally make Changbin happy. Someone Changbin could take home to his parents and he knows they'd grow to love him too. Everything was perfect.

"Jisung, I don't think what you're doing is good. I know you've been trying to 'replace' Seungmin, but you're taking this too far." An eye roll from the other, "I don't think this has anything to do with you," he responded dismissively from the couch. "As if you're one to talk. This isn't our relationship! We shouldn't butt in, Ji." Jisung rose in anger, "Relationship? Please! Maybe if your 'friend' wasn't a coward, then yeah, maybe it would be. But since it isn't, Jinnie, I'll continue doing what's best for Changbin!" Hyunjin rubbed his temple and crossed his arms over his chest. "Jisung, you can't keep doing this. One day you'll really hurt Changbin… what then?" Jisung’s jaw clenched and he looked away knowing how soft and sad Hyunjin's eyes became. "I know you think you're doing what's best, but he just looks lost. I know you might enjoy seeing Seungmin hurt, might think it's payback or something. But just think about the fact that every time you hurt him, Changbin also gets hurt." 

"Stop,"Jisungs fists balling up. "You might not accept Seungmin’s feelings for Changbin, but I know you know he loves him. And Changbin loves him right back. He might be with Felix now, but you don't just fall out of love in a day." Jisung just felt angry, there was nothing to think about. He knew what he was doing. "It’s been longer than a day," said Jisung blankly. "That’s not the point," Hyunjin walks over to uncurl the other’s fists gently. "It might just be me, but I haven't heard or seen Seungmin in two days since Felix and Changbin became official. And for someone who's supposed to be in a happy relationship with the person they 'like;' Changbin sure seems sad." 

"I wonder if Seungmin's okay… I keep texting him and he won't answer." Jisung couldn't care less and mumbled a, "Maybe it's for the best," as he grabbed his backpack, phone, and keys. He kissed a worried Hyunjin goodbye telling him he was gonna visit Chan, but right as the door was closing he heard Hyunjin on the phone. "Hello Mrs. Kim, I was wondering-" but Jisung closed the door in disinterest. He headed over to Chan's who he coincidentally saw unlocking his door.

"Anyway, you know I don't care, but Hyunjin won't stop asking about Seungmin and I thought I'd ask around." Jisung seemed to be eyeing the other's food with the way he practically forced those words to escape his mouth. “Want some?” “Sure… thanks,” Chan passed the other his plate and leaned back in his chair. “Seungmin’s processing right now. I went to visit him yesterday with Jeongin and we stayed the night.” Jisung raised his gaze to meet the others, “Jeongin? Why was he there?” Chan looked confused, “Cause they’re friends? I think he went today too, not sure.” “Wait, so like, they’re close or something.” Chan eyed him suspiciously, “As close as friends can be, yeah. I guess.” Jisung might’ve left earlier than intended with an excuse of ‘Cool, that’s all I came for. You know how Hyunjin gets- all paranoid.’ He ignored Chan’s, ‘Don’t do anything you’ll regret.’ The tone was a little too serious- maybe it was a warning.

“See, I told you he’s fine. He just went home and apparently Jeongin is keeping him company.” Changbin looked tired when he opened the door and the sadness seemed to swim in his eyes at the news. Jisung sat next to him for comfort, “Chan said that Jeongin stays over too. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think you’ve ever even met his parents. I told you Binnie, it was never serious for him.” He grabbed the other’s hands that laid limply on his lap, “But Felix is here now. He cares for you and he wants to make you happy. You shouldn’t push him away so much.” Jisung expected the other to agree with him, maybe lighten up. But instead the other began crying and pulling his hands away. He leaned into Jisung and dampened the other’s hoodie so much that Jisung felt it through his shirt. “It’s not fair! How-How…? Seungmin…”

Jisung just hugged the other back, trying to reassure him that everything will get better. He fills in the blanks in Changbin’s pleas so he finally lets the other go. He needed to know he meant nothing to the other because that’s the truth, Jisung knows that. But he still felt bad, he’s never seen Changbin so distraught. Another reason to the many of why he hates Seungmin.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, asshole. Binnie looks at Felix and you’ve already got a back up ready. Right? Heard he was with you while you were ‘sick.’ Did you fuck already or are you gonna make him wait 2 years too?” He was so full of rage at the other having the audacity to say he cares for Changbin. It’s meaningless. He only heard Hyunjin called out to him before he felt an ache in his jaw. The unexpected force had him stumbling back and he momentarily felt Hyunjin’s arms grabbing his own, but he yanked himself free. “I’m really fucking tired of you.” Jisung was waiting for this opportunity, to finally show the other how much he hates him. “I could say the same,” and he lunged towards the other. 

He grabbed the other by his center to tackle him to the ground with the weight of his body. He doesn’t remember much, but his knuckles felt raw and there was blood that he couldn’t decipher as his own or the other’s. He could vaguely hear Hyunjin and suddenly his back was slammed against the ground and his ears were ringing. He can clearly recall the unfiltered fury in the other’s eyes as Seungmin looked down at him with a lifted fist- stopped only by the grasp of Hyunjin’s hands around his wrist. “Please, stop.” Hyunjn’s voice sounded so hurt, “I love you both, I do. And I really hate seeing you guys like this.” His voice was wavering as was the anger in Seungmin’s eyes, “Please.” And suddenly Seungmin was up and out of the dorm. “You can’t keep being so unfair to me, Jisung.” He heard more than saw the other enter his room.

Jisung just laid there for a bit, until he got enough energy to get up. He groaned in pain as he stumbled to the bathroom. At some point Hyunjin came in and took care of his wounds: the blood from his nose, the slit on his brow, the cut on his lip, the bruise on his jaw. But the other didn’t say a word, even when Jisung tried to make a joke to lighten the mood. Hyunjin must’ve cried and from time to time the other’s eyes would gloss over and his lip would tremble, but he’d compose himself again. Jisung needed to go home.

It had been two weeks since then and things changed for the worse. Chan was angry at him as were his friends: Jeongin and Minho. A couple days after the fight Hyunjin asked them to take a break, said he needed Jisung to evaluate his place in his life because, “I feel like I’m never your first priority and I’m tired of feeling like you’re in love with Changbin instead of me.” Changbin also seemed to be avoiding him, so all he had was Felix. But what he really needed was Felix beside Changbin. “I don’t think Changbin and I are really good for each other. Honestly, I think you fighting Seungmin made things worse. I wouldn’t be surprised if he broke up with me soon.” Jisung really did not want to hear this now, “What? And you’re just going to let him?!” Felix sighed, “Dude, calm down. But yeah, if it came down to it, yeah. I really don’t think he needs me right now.” “I thought you liked him?!” “I do! I do, but I’m pretty sure he’s still in love with Seungmin.” He needed to visit the other. 

“What are you doing here?” The look Changbin gave him left him dumbfounded. “What do you mean? I came to visit you. You know just checking up on you and stuff,” he tried to sound playful, but it wasn’t working as Changbin began closing the door. He fit his foot in and then pushed his way through the door. “Jisung, get out.” Jisung sighed, “Hey, let’s talk.” 

“You kept pushing his feelings onto me, I felt like I was obligated to like him back. Jisung, I know you mean good, but I hate this! I hate this so much, I was happy before this.” Jisung grew enraged, “No, you weren’t! You were miserable, you began doubting yourself, you… You weren’t happy at all! Changbin, I’m doing this for your own good,” he pleaded. He can’t have Changbin hate him, anyone and everyone, but him. “I don’t need you to! I don’t need you… to do this. I’ve never hated myself more; this is all my fault.” The other began grabbing at the chest of his sweater, clawing at emotions bubbling out of him, “I was happy with Seungmin and now I ruined everything!” Jisung stepped closer cautiously, “No, no you didn’t. It’s okay.” But the other flinched away, “He’s moved on and I only pushed him to! Seungmin hates me and I practically played with Felix’s feelings, I have to end this before it gets worse… I deserve to be alone.” Jisung needed to go home. And that’s what he did the second Changbin kicked him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much for giving kudos and leaving comments! I don't wanna say it makes me want to work faster, but it does a little lol oopsie. I hope you enjoyed and I'm already working on the next chapter where things are finally getting resolved. SO happy ending here we come!


	6. Mom and Dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not at me working on hw and this to finish chapter 6 quickly for you guys!!! I am exhausted! But I couldn't wait, ch 5 ends rough!

Jisung walked up the two patio steps, a second away from knocking, “Jisung?” He looked over at the house next door, it was Changbin’s mom smiling at him. She crossed her yard before reaching his own, “Sweetheart, what are you doing?” His fist mid air fell by his side, “I was just gonna visit my dad…” “Jisung, your dad sold the house a while ago.” Jisung looked spooked as he made his way off the porch and off the new owner’s property. He felt lost and was debating getting in his car, “Why don’t you come inside?” “Is that okay?” “Always.” He followed after her the earlier disappointment fading away. 

He sat on the familiar couch and looked around, not much had changed. Everything looked as nice and felt just as comforting as it had always felt. He missed this. “Sit, I’ll get you something to drink,” “Ah! You don’t have to,” he scrambled. “Hm, it’s kind of chilly anyway how about a cup of hot chocolate,” she continued into the kitchen, ignoring him so Jisung followed after. “That sounds nice, but you really don’t have to,” she finally turned to look at him and gently spoke, “I want to, hm.” The smile lines laid so elegantly on her face and Jisung felt the warmth of her eyes spreading throughout his chest, “Okay,” he smiled. “Great! How about some biscuits? They’re-” as she turned she saw Jisung opening the same cabinet door he would once climb the counter to reach. He’s grown so much since then and she couldn’t help, but feel proud. And they made their way back to the cream colored couch with the fluffed pillows. “So, why’d you come home?”

She sounded genuinely curious and her gaze was comforting, so Jisung couldn’t bring himself to lie. “Um, I’m a little confused right now. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it feels like everyone hates me right now.” He let his finger trace the rim of his too hot mug, “I thought if I went home, I could hide in my room until I figured it out. I just never expected my dad to leave without telling me.” “Jisung,” her tone was too sweet and he wasn’t deserving of it. “No, it’s okay. I don’t think I have it in me to feel upset. I mean, um, I never really saw him as my dad… Not when...when um.” Jisung put his mug down because his hand was shaking as much as his voice, “I always thought of your family as my own. You were everything I wished my mother would’ve been.” “Jisung,” she sighed quietly to herself, “We always thought of you as our own… You’re my son too.” She opened her arms to him, but like a child he threw himself by her feet and hugged her legs- crying onto her lap.

She brushed his hair with her fingers over and over as his cries stopped and began again. He told her everything he felt as a child and all the things he’s done since college. Told her about Seungmin and Hyunjin. Told her that Changbin hates him and how Chan refuses to talk to him. “I’ve disappointed everyone! I have no one now. I can’t have Changbin hate me,” his voice was tired if not a little hoarse. The sun that once illuminated the room grew dimmer casting shadows indoors. She had listened thoroughly without interruption. Nodding and making noises of affirmation. 

“Have you talked to Changbin about any of this?” “I mean kind of, not really.” She sighed and playfully chastised him, “Sungie, you really are the older younger brother,” her laugh was soothing. “Changbin may be mad right now, but he probably feels the same. Lonely and confused. He’s hurt, Sungie. He’s probably even more hurt that you’re not supporting him like you promised. But he doesn’t hate you.” Jisung lifted his head at that, “Really?” She motioned for him to get up, “Let’s get some water,” “Mkay.” He looked like a child at the way he rubbed his eyes and trailed after her. She poured them each a glass, “I think,” and she mumbled numbers under breath, “A year and a half ago, Binnie called me and told me, ‘There’s this boy I really like, but Ji doesn’t like him. What do I do?’ So I just told him to talk to you, but then he was all, ‘But if Ji doesn’t like him it probably means something, right?’” Jisung looked a little guilty.

“It means you two are big dummies! But it also means you care about each other. Sung, if Changbin continued liking this Seungmin boy knowing full well you didn’t- it just means this boy really means something to him. And even after you kept trying to set him up- which you should never have done in the first place, okay?- He still wanted to be with him.” She walked over to Jisung and pat his head; once, twice. It felt nice reaching up to do so unlike when she had to bend down, her knees couldn’t handle that now. “Did you ever bother asking Binnie why he liked that boy so much? Cause when he’d call he'd sound pretty happy. Talk to him.” Jisung just nodded as he contemplated the suggestion.

They then separated tasks to make dinner until Changbin’s dad came home and he teased Jisung about never visiting, “Did Binnie forget to invite you? Or maybe you forgot the address.” It was nice feeling like he was part of the family, but having them call him their son felt satisfying. And maybe a mom or dad slipped past his lips, but his embarrassment lasted only seconds as they playfully said son in response. He was ready to head out, but they were having none of it and made him stay in Changbin’s old room. The one that still held a bunk bed for when his own father would kick him out in anger. He slept well that night. Making up an apology for the next time he saw Changbin.

Which was surprisingly the next morning when he turned over and felt a weight on his blanket. He tugged, but when he felt it tug back he jumped into a seated position. “Ah! God! Hey, you scared me. What are you doing here?" Jisung felt embarrassed in the other's presence. "Mom called. Said we needed to stop fighting." Jisung felt awkward because he knew that none of this was Changbin's fault. "Right. Look I'm-" "Hungry? Good, Mom and I made pancakes, but we also made lunch since it's already 1:20." Changbin pulled him into a quick hug and ran out of the room, "Hurry before it gets cold." 

Lunch was incredible. He was with some of his favorite people and it felt like their conversation was put on pause as they talked and laughed about everything but that. But then it was time and they excused themselves to go to the backyard. They sat at the end of the deck, feet still dangling. "I'm sorry I messed things up between you and Seungmin. I guess I was too busy only hearing what I wanted to hear that I never really asked you why you liked him so much. I really thought I was protecting you, but I'm the cause of all your problems." Changbin laid his hand over Jisung’s, "It's okay. I should've reached out to you more, maybe then there wouldn't be so many misunderstandings." “Still, you really don’t own me an explanation. I don’t know why I did the things I did. I guess I was just angry because I love you too much and anytime you got upset it made me think of Baby Changbin. The little kid who said, ‘Sungie! Sungie, make a wish’ or ‘Sungie, I love you, don’t be sad.’ You know, you and your family really changed my life.” “Our family. And you changed mine too.”

They had their talk asking questions and answering truthfully, trying not to get too angry or upset. “I can’t believe you punched the love of my life in the face! Sungie, when Chan told me that’s why he wasn’t talking to you- I got so mad!” Jisung flinched as his head tilted, “I’m sorry, I was just really angry! I thought he played you. I assumed the worst when Chan told me he had Jeongin and I just said things. Completely unfiltered.” Changbin pouted, “Okay, to be fair he punched me first. Look at how he left me: the bruise on my jaw is a little yellow, but I still feel it under my skin. And- and my lip and brow are finally healing. Look!” He got his face really close to Changbin's who laughed and said ‘ew!’ playfully. “Ji, do you really think he moved on? You know, with Jeongin?” The sun was setting all pretty before them, “I don’t know, but honestly I don’t think so. Chan kept emphasizing how Jeongin was visiting as a friend and before Minnie punched me, he was all, ‘I care about Changbin! Even if he’s dating Felix, if Changbin is happy- I’m happy.’ And then I said a thing or two and BAM! He punched me!” “Stop mentioning that! First of all, you probably deserved it, you were being a jerk. Second of all, Seungmin doesn’t sound like that. And third.” Changbin got really shy and refused to look at Jisung, “I really hope that’s true.” 

Changbin jumped as a thought appeared in his head, “Oh! I broke up with Felix.” Jisung ran a hand through his hair,"Ah, poor guy, when?" "It happened after I kicked you out. I had this huge breakdown and I called him over and we sat down and talked. He said he expected it and I told him I was sorry. But then he also said, it wasn't right for him to have tried to take Seungmin’s spot and prey on my insecurities." Jisung looked a little surprised, "Wow, he really was great." Changbin laughed, "You're telling me, he bought me dinner and asked if we could remain friends and then told me, 'Can you check up on Jisung, he really cares about you.' And guess who called me like half an hour later!" "Mom did." "Mom did! And now here we are." 

“Hey, since we’re speaking our truths right now. Can you give me some advice?” “Sure, on what?” “Not to bring up how Seungmin punched me in the face, but he did.” “Ji-!” “Anyway, I guess he was going to continue, you know, punching me in the face.” “Jisung! Stop joking about that!” Jisung laughed loudly and Changbin awkwardly laughed along, “Well, the only reason he stopped was cause Hyunjin held onto his wrist and begged him to stop. Said he loved us both and hated what we were doing to each other. When Minnie left, Jinnie said I was being unfair. And I guess when everyone else found out, Hyunjin said we needed to take a break.” Changbin looked entirely shocked, “He said… this is so embarrassing! He said I needed to stop acting like I'm in love with you instead of him.” Both boys cringed, whole-body shivers at the idea. 

“He’s right though. You were so obsessed with me and Seungmin, you probably left him behind,” Changbin inched closer as if there were unwanted ears close by, “Seungmin told me that Hyunjin and him had been kinda rocky since you guys started dating cause he’d always side with you. Min said it was because he was blinded by love.” Jisung groaned and let his body lay on the wooden deck as his feet kicked from where they hung, “This makes it worse!” “It’s okay, if I know anything about Hyunjin- it's that he absolutely adores you. You need to make it up to him though, I mean after all you put him through and he didn’t actually break up with you. Just said pause, haha.” Shortly after, they got up and decided to walk around the perimeter of the grass as they planned on how to apologize to their significant others and how to apologize to each other’s significant others. The sun set and it was becoming a little chilly when they headed back inside, walking up the deck holding hands and swinging them wildly between each other. 

They had dinner later than they should have, but it was fun. Jisung had stayed on Thursday, they enjoyed their Friday, so they decided to stay the weekend. It was on Sunday afternoon, while Jisung was saying his final goodbyes, that Changbin decided to call someone. The call was going through, but didn’t seem like anyone was going to answer. He sighed, it was to be expected. “Hello?” Changbin didn’t like how a familiar tone sounded so rough and unwelcoming, but he swallowed down the anxiousness. “Hey, it’s me.” “I know. What is it?” Changbin was feeling emotionally overwhelmed and the tone of voice wasn’t helping. “Um…,” and he swallowed thickly. He heard a sigh on the other side, “Sorry, that was rude. What’s up? You okay?” Changbin grew fond of the way Seungmin’s voice returned to how he was used to hearing it. “Not really. I really wanna see you. I think we need to talk.” 

The line fell dead and he turned to see Jisung walking towards him, “Yeah, okay. When and where?” “How about in an hour, at the beach 15 minutes from school?” “Fine. Anything else?” Jisung had reached him now, mouthing ‘Seungmin’ and sticking his thumb and pinky out to mimic a phone, Changbin nodded tensely. “Is it okay if I bring someone?” He heard the other groan faintly- probably pulling his phone away from his face- but Changbin still heard him. That cold tone returned. “Yeah, sure, whatever. See you in an hour.” “See you.”

“We’re going to the beach?” “Mhmm.” “Also, where’s your car? Why am I tagging along?” “I called an Uber so… And you didn’t. Plus, you need to apologize at some point and so do I.” And they were on their way, “You can leave after you say sorry; you can go find Hyunjin.” “How will you get back though?” Changbin smiled out the window, “Seungmin can take me home, even if things go South I know he won’t leave me alone.” Jisung would’ve rolled his eyes before, but he smiled and hoped- really hoped- for things to go right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost done!!! The happy ending is so close, I can feel it 😌! Again thank you so much for reading!!!


	7. Everyday After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had this finished for like a month. I just didn't wanna upload since I didn't want to disappoint anyone, hehe. Here's the final chapter! I was thinking of an epilogue, but let me know if you are even interested in an epilogue.

It was a little awkward just sitting in the sand. They were both a little nervous as they awaited the other’s arrival. Taking turns looking around at any indication that the other had arrived. Didn’t help that they got there early and it’s been 10 minutes past the meet up time. “I know he’ll come, maybe something came up. Or well, he used to always take the wrong freeway exit so maybe that’s why,” Changbin was trying to calm Jisung’s habit of picking at his nails. He pulled at one of Jisung’s hands and opened his fingers so his palm would face up. Jisung raised a brow and Changbin ignored it and collected some sand and put it in the center of his hand. He rubbed the sand around, “See soft,” and wordlessly asked for his other and did the same. “Aren’t you nervous? You seem really calm,” Jisung pulled his hand back feeling how smooth it felt under his own fingertips as a new distraction. 

Changbin kept playing with the sand to distract himself, “Of course I’m nervous. I’m like, really really scared. I feel like I did a lot of unnecessary things and now I don’t even know if Seungmin’s gonna want to talk to me after today.” He watched the wind sweep the pile of sand from his palms and furrowed his brows, “I know he’ll come, but I keep thinking that he’s not here yet because he doesn’t want to see me.” He moved to hug his legs, “He said that he’ll be happy even if I’m with someone else- as long as I’m happy he is… but, I don’t think I would be able to feel the same.” Changbin felt himself getting choked up and tried to laugh it off, “I’m so selfish, oh my god!” 

Jisung wiped some sand on his jeans and pet the other’s hair, not knowing how to help. “I’m sorry I let it get this far- if I didn't,” “It’s okay, it wasn’t just you.” They sat in awkward silence for a while until Jisung made a noise of surprise, “Oh. He’s here.” Changbin straightened and whipped his head around and off in the distance was Seungmin in a black tee and zip up hoodie. Looking out of place among the bright sun and glistening water. The closer he got the faster the boys’ hearts beat. And suddenly he was there, right beside them. He looked a little confused and more than a little annoyed when noticing who Changbin brought along. “Sorry I’m late, I bumped into someone and then I got off on the wrong exit.” He seemed to be speaking to Changbin alone, so Jisung took the opportunity to stand up. 

“Hey, long time no see,” Jisung hoped his smile seemed friendly enough and the subtle wringing of his hands was perceived as defenseless. “Changbin, why is he here?” So the smaller stood and brushed some sand off his jeans, before fitting himself in front of Jisung and between him and Seungmin. “He wanted to apologize to you. I don’t expect you to forgive him or anything, but I think it’s a good start.” Seungmin was irritated regardless. His thoughts swirling of past memories, hurtful remarks, and ill intentions. “Don’t you think it’s a little too late to try and play the victim,” he grit his teeth and clenched his jaw. The other two seemed to panic at the response so Changbin pushed at Jisung’s shoulder to have him back up a bit. “Seungmin, please just hear him out. I- We- We talked and we cleared some things up. He’s done a lot of things he shouldn’t have and he’s aware he’s hurt a lot of people, but he really is trying to make up for it.” 

In the sunlight Changbin could see the blooming yellow bruise around his left eye and butterfly bandages on a cut atop the apple of his cheek on the same side. He felt the need to reach out to inspect the other’s face and then a subtle flash of anger at Jisung, but he suppressed it remembering Jisung’s own fading cuts and bruises. “I’m sorry for not telling you Jisung was coming, but I was already scared you wouldn’t show up. I know you’re probably still mad at him and me…Which is fine! But um, well…” Under the other’s strong, unreadable gaze he felt a swirl of anxiety in his stomach, making him step back, “Maybe we shouldn’t do this today.” Changbin was getting fidgety at the attention and his eyes looked elsewhere as his head turned. Jisung grabbed his forearm to get his attention, “You okay? You wanna leave?” Changbin looked over at him and back at Seungmin’s half-lidded disinterested eyes, “Um,” he felt really overwhelmed and it was annoying how he felt like crying so soon. Seungmin rolled his eyes subtly and motioned with his hand, “Jisung, go ‘head. Get it over with.” 

He stepped forward, “Right. Well, I’m sorry,” Seungmin raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Jisung sighed, “I’m really sorry for putting you through so much in the past two-ish years. I shouldn’t have tried to separate you and Changbin. I swear I really thought I was protecting him, but he made me realize that I didn’t take the time to really get to know you. Not until I hurt him and Hyunjin. I’m also really sorry for affecting your relationship with Hyunjin. Oh, and for punching you.” “Is that it?” Jisung was taken aback, “Yeah, kind of…?” Seungmin walked closer to him, “You really think this makes up for all the shit you put me through? These last couple of weeks I thought my life was falling apart.” He got closer, “You think this changes things? And Changbin, I can’t believe you’re supporting him after everything he’s done to you.” 

He was too close and Jisung didn’t like the accusatory tone when addressing Changbin, so in retaliation moved even closer, “Look, I know I don’t have any right to ask for forgiveness, but Changbin didn’t do anything wrong. He’s supportive of me cause I have nobody else- we’re family and he’s too good to me. You can hate me all you want, but please hear him out.” Seungmin stepped back at the sincerity of the other- still not trusting his words and actions, “Seungmin, I’m serious, I really am sorry. I’m going to change and be a better person, a better friend. I just need you to know I wasn’t forced to do this and that I really hope after you talk it out with Binnie that things will be okay. I’ll be supportive of whatever you guys choose to do and I hope that at some point we can be friends. Real friends.” 

Seungmin examined Jisung’s expectant stare and when his gaze fell over to Changbin and his loose grip on the other’s hand- much like a scared child- he almost felt bad. But if Changbin talked to him and believed him, why shouldn’t he? Still, the anger only faded amd didn’t disappear, sizzling underneath his fingertips, “I’ll think about it. Thanks for apologizing, but as of right now I’m still insanely angry at your interference in my life and Changbin’s as well.” Jisung and Changbin felt relieved and they squeezed each other’s hands, “Cool cool. Okay well, I guess I’ll see myself out. You know so you two can talk.” He gave a quick side hug to Changbin and a quick nod of acknowledgement to Seungmin as he began walking away, “Hey, Jisung!” He turned a couple feet away, “I also hope that one day we can be friends. Oh and don’t forget to apologize to Hyunjin, he misses you for some reason.” Jisung would’ve been annoyed if not for the almost playful tone the other used at the end of his sentence. “Where do you think I’m headed,” and he smiled one last time. And then it was just them.. 

Changbin kept fumbling with his sleeve, feeling out of place now that they were alone, “Want to sit?” He asked as he vaguely signalled the sand at their feet unable to look at the other’s piercing gaze. He always liked the intensity behind his stare, but right now it felt like it was burning him alive. “Sure,” and they sat with a somewhat large gap between each other. Neither sure of what to say or who should start. “I’m surprised that you’re willing to try being friends with Jisung.” “I mean you’re still with him so… No matter what happens he’ll always exist around me, whether I’m with you or not, since Hyunjin will definitely take him back.” Then they fell back into painful silence. Changbin’s mind linger on the ‘whether I’m with you or not.’ It didn’t sit right.

So Seungmin started, “I bumped into Felix on the way to my car,” Changbin’s looked a little surprised. “He said you broke up with him.” “Yeah, I did.” “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, you seemed really happy.” Changbin visibly curled into himself, “Honestly, I kind of thought that when you said you’d bring someone, that someone would be Felix.” Changbin spared a quick glance, but Seungmin wasn’t looking at him anymore- just staring off into the ocean. “Changbin, can you just tell me if I have any chance of being with you again?” Seungmin’s eyes focused in on Changbin’s wide eyed expression, the taller looked so sad. So pained that it made Changbin’s own eyes gloss over creating an expanding pressure in his chest. “I don’t want to waste anymore time. I need to know if there’s even a chance- no matter how small- for us to start over.” Seungmin was getting too close too fast. He was choking on his words as the ‘yes’ got stuck in his throat.

“I know I was awful to you and that I wasn’t very emotionally available either, but if you give me another chance I’ll be more open. I’ll tell you all the reasons I did what I did. I didn’t want to hurt you and I know I did, but Changbin this whole time… You with Felix, I-” Changbin just tucked his head down onto his folded arms atop his knees. His face was warming up and his breaths were coming in uneven and he couldn’t find it in him to talk. “I’m in love with you, I am. I’m so in love with you and seeing you so happy with Felix was so, so painful.” Seungmin was getting choked up to now causing his voice to waver. “I felt like my chest was caving in every single time I saw you together. So close. And when you kissed him- in front of us... I really thought I was dying. I always knew I could lose you, but Changbin…” Seungmin tried swallowing the lump in his throat that had tears resting on his lower lash line.

Changbin’s small hiccups and shaking figure proved he was crying and it only made it harder for Seungmin to talk. He wanted to hug him because in that moment the other felt like an illusion. Something he created, a hallucination from the heartbreak. “I never really thought I’d lose you like this, “ he blinked quickly, “But I always knew there’d be someone better.” 

And then they just sat there. Bodies facing the sea with the ocean breeze caressing their hair and the warmth of their tears swiftly wiped away by the ends of their sleeves. Seungmin figured if the other wasn’t going to to talk then he was going to let everything out. Right then and there. He cleared his throat, composing himself, “You know, I really thought when Chan showed up that it would be it for us. I mean he’s literally one of my favorite people now, but I had never been as scared as I was back then- well until Felix I guess. But you- you’re so incredible and you deserved someone like him, but you didn’t want him. You stuck by me and I still don’t get why. I mean I was so ready to give up and one day I just confronted Chan and basically threatened him to never hurt you if you were ever to choose him. And you didn’t. You chose me over Bang Chan. Me!” 

Seungmin unintentionally bubbled up with laughter, “I can’t believe you did that...” That got Changbin’s attention, who raised his head and turned towards Seungmin who looked so happy reminiscing. Changbin wanted to say, ‘Of course I chose you,’ but he couldn’t find it in himself. Not after choosing Felix and hurting them both. “You know, I always knew Jisung hated me and honestly I get why. Still hurts though, not gonna lie,” he sighed loud and deep. “I didn’t want you to think I was hiding this and I’m sorry for never having the courage to explain why I don’t like labels. It’s just…”

Changbin adjusted positions to be closer to the other and wiped his stray tears before he rested his hand atop Seungmin’s, “Can I?” “Yeah,” “I’m sorry if I start crying again, I’m feeling really overwhelmed.” The other just squeezed his hand in a reassuring manner, “Since you’re apologizing, I want to apologize too,” “For what?” Changbin laughed in disbelief, “What do you mean, ‘For What?’ Seungmin, I literally started dating Felix cause I tricked myself into believing you didn’t have actual feelings for me.” His voice unintentionally rising, “I made you feel awful! I just left you and didn’t explain anything and I still had the audacity to feel bad for myself! I even hurt Felix when all I really wanted was to be with you!” He pulled his hand away to cover his face behind his fingers, “I kissed him in front of you!” Seungmin flinched a little at the memory, but he really didn’t want the other to continue crying.

“Hey, hey. Middle ground! Middle ground! We both fucked up, it wasn’t just you. Come here,” so then Changbin maneuvered his body to sit beside the other boy, Seungmin throwing his arm over his shoulders in a side hug. “If I were you, I wouldn’t have waited this long either. You were really patient and kind and you made me so happy, you really deserved an explanation.” The older silently listened as his sniffles began levelling out again. “If you want to hear it, I’ll tell you,” and the other’s subtle nod was all he needed. He repositioned himself a little closer to Changbin and leaned back on his free arm so the other could lay his weight on him while his arm remained around him. 

“Ah, okay, so… My dad’s kinda homophobic.” He felt Changbin tense up a little, “It’s okay really. I came out to them and my mom’s always accepted me, but my dad thinks that there’s still something wrong with me. I do everything he could ever want, but he doesn’t seem close to accepting me anytime soon,” he sighed softly. “I think you’re the first person I have ever loved this intensely and the day you asked me out I really wanted to say yes, but I couldn’t. All I could think of was, ‘Well, what’s the next step?’ We’ll be boyfriends, we’ll tell our friends, we’ll tell our parents. I might meet your’s, but I couldn’t ever bring you home. I can handle my dad treating me like shit, but I can’t have anyone making you feel this way. I wanted you to wait until things got better, but it wasn’t happening fast enough and suddenly we weren’t ‘together.’” 

“Seungmin, you’re so sweet, but you’re so dumb for thinking this.” “What…?” He said in shock at the response. “I know you wanted to protect me, but you could’ve told me all this. If I was willing to wait then of course I was willing to understand. At this point we could’ve already celebrated an anniversary, fixed things with Jisung, and you could’ve met my parents!” He pulled at Seungmin’s wrist to bring his arm around his own shoulders down tighter and played with his fingers. “I still want to be with you, but I was scared I hurt you too much. And yeah, there were moments where you came off as uninterested in what I was saying or like you didn’t care, which made me sad, but then you’d do something to prove that you did care and that you were paying attention. I got all in my head thinking that what other people saw outside of us was true, but it wasn’t. I know you care about me, but I think the way Felix was so open about his feelings for me mixed with Jisung’s stupid talks about finally being valued by being in a labeled relationship got to me. I thought I wanted that, but I really didn’t. I wanted to be your boyfriend and I was scared you still hadn’t made up your mind after all this time.” 

They both just sat in silence for a minute, processing everything that had just taken place. All the words that were said. There were so many more things to talk about- the concert, the texts, Jeongin- but they were only thinking of one thing. “Hey, want to be my boyfriend?” Seungmin looked down at the other’s head on his shoulder and as Changbin turned to him his heart melted. “What a dumb question,” he giggled as he leaned in to kiss the other. In a teasing manner, Seungmin pulled back, “Sorry, I didn’t hear a yes.” Changbin chased after playfully and they laughed together. “Yes,” was the last thing heard before their lips pressed against each other.

They didn’t stay at the beach much longer since it began getting cold and Changbin kept complaining that all the emotions had made him tired. Seungmin drove them to the nearby hotel they often stayed at when they spent too long at the beach and neither had the energy to go home. They left the window only partially open because the cool breeze around them only reminded them of the heat radiating from their bodies as they cuddled up close. “What was up with Jeongin?” Changbin rested his head atop the other’s shoulder, outlining his collarbone with his finger while Seungmin played with his hair. “What about him?” He was also emotionally exhausted and ready to sleep at any moment. Already letting his eyes close. “Did you ever like him?” He smiled softly and hummed, “No, he’s just my friend. I met him before Chan introduced him to everyone else, so we were already friends. He’s cool, tried to distract me since he knew how much the Felix thing upset me.” Changbin tilted his head to kiss his jaw sweetly, “Sorry.” “It’s fine. I mean we’re here now. You’re my boyfriend and I love you.” “I love you too,” he whispered back. Changbin threw his leg over Seungmin’s middle and moved to straddle him. Grabbing his face between his hands and leaning down, he smiled into the kiss as Seungmin let his hands roam up Changbin’s thighs to his hips. 

Changbin pulled back only to softly press his fingertips onto the yellowish bruise around the other’s eye. Seungmin just smiled up at him and Changbin just pouted as his fingers ran down to the butterfly bandages on his cheek. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to patch you up,” he mumbled as he cupped his left cheek. Seungmin just kept smiling fondly as his thumbs made circles over Changbin’s hips. “It’s okay. I know you’ll be here when it heals… and every day after,” “And everyday after,” was Changbin’s echoed response. And suddenly their night took a turn as Changbin dove down again to capture his lips and Seungmin only pulled him down further against his body. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the whole thing through and I loved loved LOVED reading you guys' comments! I'm sorry it took too long to upload and I hope it was a satisfactory ending. Again lemme know if you want an epilogue, but other than that this is basically finished. I hope it was good for my first chaptered fic. Hope it wasn't too long or slow, I tried to keep it interesting (hehe) and cut out lots to be more digestible. Love you guys and thank you so much!!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this! I have this planned out and I will do my best to upload as quickly as possible to ensure this ends well. I am very excited since this has been living in my brain rent free and I decided to write it out to leave more space for like school and stuff LOL!


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